An Executive Director at a Northern California domestic violence (DV) organization shared this story that shows that when schools ignore dating abuse, they fail both victims and offenders:

In 2009-2010 fiscal year, our organization saw a 45% increase in youth and young adults seeking services. A total of 112 young people came in for services, including crisis intervention, counseling, and assistance with filing for restraining orders.

One of these young people was a 17-year-old high school senior. In the first few months of her relationship, her boyfriend controlled what she wore, kept track of her by cell phone, sent her threatening text messages, and discouraged her from spending time with her friends. She came in to the organization for counseling when after a few months, his controlling behavior escalated to physical violence.

She and her family reached out to her school principal and told him about the abuse. But the principal told them that she would “ruin his football season” if she were to pursue disciplinary action against him. She and her family felt betrayed and fearful that pursuing the issue with the school would make matters worse for her.

One night, she worked up enough courage to break up with him. As they drove home, he pulled over and made her get out of his truck. As he started driving away, he yelled, “You better run for your life!” and shot at her with a gun as she fled into the orchards next to the road. Though she was not physically injured, she was emotionally traumatized from the threat against her life.

After this incident, she pursued a restraining order with support from the DV organization. At the court hearing, the judge was initially reluctant to require him to relinquish his gun, as California law calls for. Eventually, she did receive an 18-month restraining order with gun relinquishment.

Tragically, in addition to the physical and emotional trauma she endured, she was further harmed by the lack of support from her school. Even with the restraining order, she did not feel safe or protected at school, since the principal had expressed that he was more concerned with her ex-boyfriend’s football career than he was for her safety. She transferred to a different school in a different town, betrayed, and leaving behind the teachers and friends to whom she had grown attached.

Also, sadly, her ex-boyfriend was later arrested for battery, false imprisonment, and other violent criminal charges against another person, ending up in jail just as he graduated from high school. 

Schools need protocols for responding to reports of dating abuse, including how to work with the targeted student and the alleged offender, and how to enforce civil protection orders.

This young woman and her family did the right thing by reaching out to her school, to the local DV organization and to law enforcement. But the school failed her – and her ex-boyfriend – by ignoring the violence, and allowing it to escalate.