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When I Needed Support as a Teen, One Adult Could have Made a Difference

Blog post Guest Blogger: Alison M. Chopel, Director of California Adolescent Health Collaborative

Adolescent Relationship Abuse (ARA) impacts at least one in five adolescents in the United States every day. This is a public health problem, this is everybody’s problem. Besides the obvious ways that abuse impacts one’s health (increasing risk for mental illness and intentional injury), relationship abuse affects sexual and reproductive health, substance abuse disorders, and even risk of physical chronic diseases through toxic stress. This sounds like bad news, but the good news is that this is a problem that we can do something about. Doesn’t that feel empowering?

Even just speaking to young people about their relationships, as simple as it seems, can be an effective intervention. The CA Adolescent Health Collaborative, Futures Without Violence, the CA School Based Health Alliance, and Dr. Liz Miller at the University of Pittsburgh evaluated an intervention to address ARA through School Health Centers (the School Health Center Healthy Adolescent Relationships Project, SHARP) and found that it works to reduce ARA victimization, and increase knowledge and use of resources by youth. The intervention included a youth-led awareness campaign, and trained providers to talk with all their clients about their relationships, using a palm-sized brochure as an aid.

I can attest to the power of conversation on relationship abuse cycles, especially during that vulnerable developmental stage called adolescence when we have so little experience and feel like we know so much. My first love relationship was abusive and coercive, and as an adolescent I found myself stuck in the cycle of violence without really recognizing it for what it was. I didn’t have any examples of healthy relationships from childhood to draw upon, so I could tell myself this is just what it’s like. But there was a part of me that knew, or suspected, that my relationship was abusive and unhealthy. I was looking for that to be validated outside of myself, trying to check my naïve information with the outside world. When I confided in my friend about the minor physical violence, extreme emotional violence, threats and coercion I was experiencing, her response was, “If he was with me, none of that stuff would be happening.” That response reverberated in my head and came out as the conclusion that the problem is with me, so I should just try harder and I could make this work. I decided not to discuss it with others because I didn’t want to reveal that I was failing, somehow, at making myself unabusable.

I’m 99.9% sure that if an adult had told me that the behaviors were unhealthy and that there was support I could access if I wanted to leave, I would have suffered less. Even if my friend had been asked about relationships by a trusted adult, and had the opportunity to learn to differentiate healthy and unhealthy relationship behaviors, perhaps she would have been equipped to change the course of my life through that conversation. I can imagine, that if our school had had an intervention like SHARP, she might have said something like, “Oh, Ali, that’s not right. No one should treat you like that, especially someone who says they love you. You know, maybe you can talk to Dr. So-and-so at the health center. S/he was telling me that there are people who can help if that kinda stuff is happening in your relationship.” I don’t resent my friend or regret my life experiences, but I do know that my health and wellbeing was negatively impacted by ARA, and I do know that there is a tried and true way that we can help to reduce ARA victimization experienced by young people today and in the future. That makes me feel empowered in a way that overshadows the residual feelings of powerlessness that permeated my life at that time.

About the Author:

Alison M. Chopel, MPH, DrPH, has been working with youth for over a decade, both in the US and abroad. In addition to her passion for adolescent health, she brings skills and knowledge in participatory research, social epidemiology, and youth leadership development to the Collaborative. Alison’s passion for enabling young people to fulfill their potential stems from her own experiences with abuse, homelessness, and pregnancy in her youth. Thanks to a caring and supportive mentor, she overcame her earlier challenges, pursued a career in youth development, and is now working towards providing all youth with the opportunity to thrive.