• Act extremely jealous of others who pay attention to you, or use jealousy to justify his/her actions?
• Control your finances, behavior and even whom you socialize with?
• Threaten to kill you or commit suicide?
• Make you afraid by using looks, actions, and gestures like smashing things, destroying your property or displaying weapons?
• Make all the decisions?
• Stop you from seeing or talking to friends, family or limits your outside involvement?
• Act like the abuse is no big deal; it's your fault or even denies doing it?
• Threatens to kill your pets?
• Puts you down in front of other people, humiliates you, plays mind games and makes you feel as if you are crazy?
• Prevents you from getting or keeping a job?
• Takes your money or does not let you know about or have access to the family income?
• Blame drugs or alcohol for his violent behavior?
• Threatens to take the children away?

• Become quiet when he/she is around and feel afraid of making him/her angry?
• Cancel plans at the last minute?
• Stop seeing your friends and family members, becoming more and more isolated?
• Find yourself explaining bruises to family or friends?
• If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may be involved in a relationship that is physically, emotionally or sexually abusive.

• Calls you names, insults you or continually criticizes you.
• Does not trust you and acts jealous or possessive.
• Tries to isolate you from family or friends.
• Monitors where you go, who you call and who you spend time with.
• Prevents you from getting a job or learning English.
• Threatens to have you departed.
• Controls finances or refuses to share money.
• Punishes you by withholding affection.
• Expects you to ask permission.
• Threatens to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets.
• Humiliates you in any way.

• Damaged property when angry (thrown objects, punched walls, kicked doors, etc.).
• Pushed, slapped, bitten, kicked or choked you.
• Abandoned you in a dangerous or unfamiliar place.
• Scared you by driving recklessly.
• Used a weapon to threaten or hurt you.
• Forced you to leave your home.
• Trapped you in your home or kept you from leaving.
• Prevented you from calling police or seeking medical attention.
• Hurt your children.
• Used physical force in sexual situations.

Again, if there is something about your relationship that scares you, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233); TTY 1-800-787-3224. Someone is available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year to listen and provide information to help you get safe.

Safety Strategies:
If you are in an abusive relationship:

• Think of a safe place to go if an argument occurs - avoid rooms with no exits (bathroom), or rooms with weapons (kitchen).
• Think about and make a list of safe people to contact.
• Keep change with you at all times.
• Memorize all important numbers.
• Establish a "code word or sign" so that family, friends, teachers or co-workers know when to call for help.
• Think about what you will say to your partner if he\she becomes violent.
• Remember you have the right to live without fear and violence.

• Change your phone number.
• Screen calls.
• Save and document all contacts, messages, injuries or other incidents involving the batterer.
• Change locks, if the batterer has a key.
• Avoid staying alone.
• Plan how to get away if confronted by an abusive partner.
• If you have to meet your partner, do it in a public place.
• Vary your routine.
• Notify school and work contacts.
• Call a shelter for battered women.

If you leave the relationship or are thinking of leaving, you should take important papers and documents with you to enable you to apply for benefits or take legal action. Important papers you should take include social security cards and birth certificates for you and your children, your marriage license, leases or deeds in your name or both yours and your partner's names, your checkbook, your charge cards, bank statements and charge account statements, insurance policies, proof of income for you and your spouse (pay stubs or W-2's), and any documentation of past incidents of abuse (photos, police reports, medical records, etc.)

Internet and Computer Safety:
There are hundreds of ways that computers record everything you do on the computer and on the Internet.

• If you are in danger, please try to use a safer computer that someone abusive does not have direct access, or even remote (hacking) access to. It might be safer to use a computer in a public library, at a community technology center (CTC), at a trusted friend's house, or an Internet Café.
• If you think your activities are being monitored, they probably are. Abusive people are often controlling and want to know your every move. You don't need to be a computer programmer or have special skills to monitor someone's computer activities – anyone can do it and there are many ways to monitor.
• Computers can provide a lot of information about what you look at on the Internet, the emails you send, and other activities. It is not possible to delete or clear all computer “footprints”.
• If you think you may be monitored on your home computer, you might consider no home Internet use or "safer" Internet surfing. Example: If you are planning to flee to California, don't look at classified ads for jobs and apartments, bus tickets, etc for California on a home computer or any computer an abuser has physical or remote access to. Use a safer computer to research an escape plan.